The tools are immaterial, the resulting piece is what's most important.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Another year of aging.

The anniversary of the day of birth is a day to be celebrated. When we are children, birthdays are an exciting occasion marking another year of aging. For an adult, the anticipation and excitement of an upcoming birthday often diminishes. It is true a birthday marks another year passed, another year older. Instead of focusing on the negative aspects of aging we should be celebrating another year lived, another year experienced.

If we can look at a birthday as the mark of another year lived, we can celebrate our life as a birthday is truly meant to do. It is another year we have been able to breathe, watch a sunset, laugh at jokes, eat ice cream, hug our love ones, love our family, and smile at ourselves in the mirror. It is worth repeating; it is another year lived and that alone is a reason to appreciate our birthday.

Your birthday is about you, not anyone else, just you. How do you appreciate yourself and your birthday when you are not accustomed to it?

It may take a couple of birthdays to get the hang of it but when you learn to appreciate yourself and your existence, you will be able to appreciate your birthday fully.

I did enjoy mine. Thanks to the special people for making my existence a well worth one.

Friday, August 26, 2011

Disturbing Thoughts

Me and you all get them. Thoughts I'd rather not have. How do I cope with them? Do I let them ramble through my mind? Can I suppress them? Or can I make them go away?

Writing could be a good way to get rid of bad thoughts. Though I can write down what am I thinking. Though I can write down why I do not want to think these thoughts. Though I can cross out the disturbing parts of the bad thoughts. Though I can write down what I would rather be thinking about BUT my self-esteem and emotion levels are just too weak to bare the pain to express all these thoughts.

"To clear our minds of bad thoughts, we just need to get our minds on something else." It is so much easier said than done. I am being the prisoner in my own head.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Starting Again

I remembered everything, everything I loved. I gave it away. It was my mistake and it is hurting me. I known where we have been.

All the things I did and all that you forgave.

How did we get so far?

Can I let you in again? Can I make it right it this time? Can you take another chance? Can I learn to love again?

All this time I can make it right. With one more try, how could I hurt you again?

Can we start again?

Monday, July 25, 2011

Greater responsibility

Responsibility does not come natural to most of us. We are not born with this trait. It is something we learn from a very young age. Unfortunately, as we grow older the word responsibility brings fear to us all. It is looked upon as one of the most frightening coming of age experiences we face.

Somewhere during this growing up we are doing, we get lost and the word responsible has gotten pushed to, 'that dreadful, not want to tackle list." Forgetting when we lived life when being responsible was not something that was thought about, it was just done, it was all we knew how to do, it came naturally.

Learning to be responsible and accepting responsibility are important lessons in this life. In our personal and our professional lives, it is wonderful for others to be able to depend and rely on us. Learning responsibility should not be a frightening experience. It should come as natural as love. As we teach our children to love themselves, we teach them responsibility. As we teach our children the importance of always doing their best, at all cost, and to love life in all forms, ourselves, and our surroundings, we teach responsibility.

Life is heavy for us, because we create its gravity. Burdens are always more about our own attitude about them, rather than the actual weight of the load. Everyone can only feel his or her own burdens, and nearly everyone thinks that their own burdens are heavy to have to carry. Our burdens are relative to the amount of energy that we can muster to cope with them.

When you are negative, your burdens seem to multiply, and increase in their weight. Positive people carry their burden with a certain lightness of knowing that it is sustenance on their trip. It is like carrying water and food for the journey of life, and so we learn the most, from our heaviest burdens.

The heavier the burden, the more love that we must give out to carry it with. The only energy is love, and when we love fully, we never feel the weight of any loads or burdens, as all is then being carried not for us, but for God in serving the greater good of his perfect oneness manifesting itself in us, as us.

The truth is I have made many mistakes in my life. None that changed the path I have taken, but from each mistake, I have learned a lesson. Learning and accepting responsibility is ongoing. I appreciate learning the importance of responsibility as a child and hope to pass this on to my children so they will grow into productive and responsible adults.

Though life is such a beautiful commodity, with great life comes a much greater responsibility.

p/s: meet Aki, the newest member to the family.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Knowing when to move on

There comes a point in many relationships where the path has ended. Meaning, the relationship is unfortunately going backwards or standing at a complete halt. It's better to remove yourself from relationships that have grown into this pattern but it's not easy moving on out of the relationship.

Of course there are signs when a relationship is going no where such as: failure to commit, cheating, verbal or physical abuse or lacking love. I often wonder how a relationship can evolve into either one of these examples and quiet frankly it's simple. Many relationships become a comfortable relationship or a terrible relationship. Comfortable meaning almost dull and boring. This doesn't mean the relationship is doomed although most tend to want to be in a rather upbeat busy relationship. Often this could lead to cheating or other relationship problems. When you find yourself in any relationship, it's good to make sure the two of you are on the same page in life. Having goals and values to share is important to have in any relationship before moving forward in life together.

Sharing goals and values are one of the most important aspects to any good relationship because it prevents future issues. Taking the time to make sure the two of you want the same things in life is always the better way to go before getting yourself involved in a relationship.

In almost all relationships there comes a time when you may feel the relationship is going no where. Most of the times this could be true although every once in a while we may be analyzing the situation far too much. Analyzing is a great way to determine what your relationship means to you and also how to repair issues in your relationship. Though there is a fine line between analyzing and searching for issues or problems.

The best rule of thumb I have found to go by, is when a relationship comes to a halt look deep inside yourself to analyze yourself. Perhaps you may be looking in to far as to what the inner issues may be although abuse is never a good thing. A relationship is over when you no longer feel the relationship evolving further for the two of you. Whether the hold up is with commitment or lack of love, moving on to open your heart for the right person is always better for you and your ex-partner.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Her memory will enshrined in our hearts. 8th May 2011

God called her from among us to a home of eternal rest on Mother's Day.

I'll think of you every step of the way and everything that you did.

God took her home, it was his will, but in our hearts she liveth still.

Every blessing you poured out, I'll turn back to remember.

She is resting peacefully with Jesus in that beautiful home above.

Goodbye to a wonderful mother and grandmother. She lived a long and wonderful life, and was loved by all who knew her. She will be dearly missed, but will live on in our hearts for generations.

Bittersweet memories that is all I'm taking with me. We will miss you.

Sleep on now, and take your rest.
Matthew 26:45

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Love or Money

Another eternally debated question.

Personal feel, this is a question where either extreme of the answer is liable to be wrong. Without money, both will starve to death. Without love, the relationship is doomed to a failure. The answer, rather lies in one's opinion in one of the infinite shade of grey between either extreme, and totally depend on one priority.

On one hand, the man is usually the traditional breadwinner in an Asian Family. On the other, I firmly believe that every man wants his partner to see him for more than his wallet. Just like women who wants a man that can see past their breasts.

The bigger the wallet, or the breast, the harder it is to see past those trappings to the person behind.

That's why a man doesn't like it when the woman always talks about money. It demeans the man. Ladies, would you really like your guy to come up to you and say, hun, I love you, but you gotta get bigger breast. Right?

We all want a good life. Question is, how high is that on your list of priorities?

Question for the ladies, Love or money?
Question for the gents, Love or breast?

Maybe men and women aren't that different after all..

Friday, March 25, 2011

Love hurts whether it's right or wrong

I am happy for the both of you. It is easier to be angry, to rant, and to jump and walk away. Anger is a much simpler solution. But I can't. It doesn't feel right, even to me. The conviction, the openness, I would have given anything and everything for it to be for me.

I envy those with a special someone. I read somewhere that the only time when you have no more trouble in your life, is when you die. Well, guess what, same thing with relationships. And I'll trade every quarrel, every fight, every irritation and rant to have that special someone in my life. So those of you who do, appreciate him or her. If your significant other doesn't appreciate you, send them my way.

Humour is my shield. It's just easier on everyone, and the devil-may-care sometimes funny extroverted clown is a familiar role. Because really, how many people care enough to listen, and understand?

As for opening my heart, well... heh. I don't think I can love anyone else quite as much. Or saw so much of myself in someone. I don't think I will, for a long, long time to come.

It's time to go back to being alone again. Oh I'll be fine. I'll feel sorry for myself and be lonely on my own time rather than burden those around me with it. Permit me one night to grief. One night to let it all hang loose and be sad and sorry for myself. One night where I wrap my loneliness around me and cry my heart out.

I wish you both the best from the bottom of my heart. Really and truly. I know everything will work out for the both of you. Now wish me back, as empty as it would sound to me right now, that maybe there really is someone out there for me and that I'll find her before long.

What is love, that makes it the simplest, and the most complicated emotion in the world to understand?

What is love, that makes someone go through hell and high water, and be willing to try again?

What is love, that brings two people together and keeps them together even though logic dictates otherwise?

What is love, that make strangers friends, and friends become lovers, while others falter?

What is love, that makes a person try, and keep trying, even though his efforts are doomed from the start?

What is love, that makes one dream more significant than all the others, and we burn our lives chasing it and count it well spent?

What is love, that makes us find beauty in ordinary things, and the holding of two hands the most intimate of human contact?

What is love, that pushes two people to dedicate their lives into a commitment to each other?

What is love, that makes it the root of the most painful and most pleasurable feelings in the human vocabulary and experience?

What is love, that makes all the analysis of a relationship, all the articles and research written on it, redundant?

All I know now, after 27 years, is that I have no answers. All I know, is that it is exceedingly rare, heart-stoppingly beautiful and precious. All I know, is that love has no reason, and that as long as it exists, no matter how torn and battered it might be, give it every single opportunity to thrive and grow. And if it is already dead, then nothing one can do can bring it back to life.

For those of you who have a special someone, I envy you. The only time in life when you have no problems is when you're dead. Such is love. The day you have no more troubles from love, is the day that love is dead.

I would take all the issues, baggage, fights, quarrels, pain, anger and tribulation, for that one chance to love and be loved. And if you have it or a chance at it, treasure it. Guard it with your life. Don't let pride, anger, history, self doubt, jealousy, or the mundaneness of everyday life kill it. At the same time, if it is not there, let go. But after you have tried every, single thing.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

A New Year, A New Beginning

Note : this post is written with reference to photos that I've taken during the entire year 2010.

The New Year approaches and it's time to reflect upon the past and plan for the future. For many of us, it's like a breath of spring-time air, filled with hopes and promises. We plan to succeed where we've failed and do the right instead of the wrong. We set goals and do our best to achieve them. The old year will soon be gone with its problems and trials. The new year stretches before us and we anticipate it. It's like being granted another chance to live.

It is that time of year again when people all over the world are taking a moment to reflect on choices of the past and looking to some kind of future, a whole new year. Maybe New Year’s Resolutions are a good thing because people seem to be thinking in a forward mode and are looking for some kind of future. At this time of year it is exciting to look with anticipation towards the New Year.

So we look at our successes and want to make them continue.

And we look at our failures or things we are still working on makes us either want to leave them behind or work harder to achieve them.

It is also a good time to reflect on our lives to see if we are truly happy and where we want to be in life.

The rest of the year we seem so busy with the details of living life that we forget to take stock in ourselves. Start by giving yourself a pat on the back for your successes.

As we face another New Year, I feel it should be a time for reflection and a time for resolution. Do I keep today's performance the same as yesterdays or sharpen it and make it better?

Are the same mistakes being made this year that were made last year, or have I learned something from my experiences?

Will I ignore my families or fight to keep them united? Will I become careless regarding my friendships or work hard to retain them for an opportunity to draw closer to those I love?

Will I discover negative emotions which must be tossed into the trash can? Do wrong thoughts abound which must be banned, at once?

Do tempers flare within a moment, leaving devastation in its wake? Does my behavior hurt those around me? Does uncaring attitudes offend friends and family members? Do I hold onto emotional ties which cripple people’s hearts?

Every year at the start of the New Year, I take a moment to reflect on the past. Each year I ask myself a few questions. Do I have any regrets? Would I change anything? And how can I make things different for the New Year? My answers have always been the same. There are no regrets, there is nothing I would change, and the next year will be no different.

Until it was when a black hole decided to appear and suck everything in. Yes, a failed relationship, a long one. It will be something that would very much affect my future paths. This New Year will make me reflect on relationships. I will go forth in understanding whether future relationships are helping or hindering my goals. Some people just simply drag me down. I may not need to abandon those relationships, but just to be cautious about how they affect me.

So do I have any regrets now? There are many regrets starting with not being true to myself and others. Would I change anything? Change is hard and changing the past is impossible but I can learn from it and not make excuses for it. Making things different takes honesty, perseverance and strength.

Looking at relationships also helps me to consider the lifes I have touched in the last year. If I have touched someone in a negative way, maybe I can change that in the coming year. If I have touched someone in a positive way, I may have the opportunity to build on that. I will also reflect on who has touched my life this last year. If that someone has touched me in a positive way, I may consider spending more time with that person. Adversely, if someone has touched me negatively, sorry to say you meant nothing to me.

The New Year is also a time for cleaning, a time for reflection. I have many past mistakes to reflect on and determine not to repeat them again. Several compartments of my heart needs to be pulled apart to examine the contents, looking for things that are useless lurking in corners and cling to only those that are good.

While it is difficult to look at my failures and short-comings, it is important to always be striving to improve myself. I do not expect myself to perform miracles. People will see the evidence in my actions and in my words, as a result, constantly on a continual basis will I be examining myself, trying to "live in the moment" and gain a better sense of myself. I know life is a gift and much too short to waste, it's imperative to attain the skill of self-motivation. There are instances where I won't have the support of family or friends. Life is a series of experiences from which I am continually learning from.

With 2010 coming to an end, a new year of possibilities are approaching. I leave behind bad experiences and heartache moments to add to my collection book of memories. A world of wonder awaits me with open arms and it is time to reflect back on lessons learned and knowledge gained.

With a new year, a fresh start follows. I will put effort into my resolutions this time around.

There's no quick fix for anything so I will make a point to set realistic goals. Hard work does pay off in the end and I will gain so much insight throughout my journey.

I will need to forget about "what ifs" and "I can't" and take them out of my vocabulary and to put a positive spin to every single thing I do.

Keep in mind, it's easy to lose faith, give up and forget about what is really important to you.

But time and time again, I tell myself to stop, focus and listen to what surrounds me. Always be proud of who you are and remind yourself that many others aren't as fortunate. There will come a time in which you'll be made aware of how special life is.

I do not have the ability to change my past but I do for my future and live life in the present, but I will live it so that my future is all that I dream of. The New Year is a time of remembrance and a time of hope, a time of forgiveness and a time of change. The New Year is my chance to revive and grow.

As I sit here and reflect on my past year I can't help but to dream about the year ahead of me.