Ever wonder how you got "here"? Where did the last ten years of your life go? Does it all seem like a blur to you? One minute you're learning how to tie your shoe, the next minute you're on your way to prom, and then boom! You're getting married, you have a few children, you're living in a large big home...it's just like that 80's song, isn't it?
Sometimes we are so focused on large, big goals such as having a family, owning a business, investing for more money, that we do forget to stop and smell the roses. How many times do you walk past your walkway into your house, ignoring nature that surrounds you? How many times do you fail to notice the cute little bird's nest in your tree, or the beautiful mango tree down the block that you've had for years?
We forget to take notice probably the majority of the time. We live in a society that is fast. Impatience is a quality we thrive on. When you live too fast, you pass by many things and you take it all for granted. For example, we all jump on the highway because we would like to get to point B quicker, not realizing taking the longer, more scenic route will be more relaxing, and will only take an extra ten to fifteen minutes of our time. We live on such a fast track, that when we actually do stop for a minute (or two), we are sometimes dumbfounded..."How did I get here" runs through your mind.
Every day is special. It could be the happiest day of your life, or your last. Knowing that, why not make your days count? We always rush to make others happy, may it be your boss, your mother or your spouse. But what about making yourself happy? Take the time to meet someone new and start a new friendship.
Take the time to adopt an animal that desperately needs your love and help.
Take the time to pamper yourself. You will not only feel physically better, but mentally better as well.
Take the time to tell people close to you, that you love them.
Take the time out for you, because we have one life to live and you don't want to miss out on it. After all, "life goes by too fast."
Sometimes I close my eyes and imagine how it would be like if things turned out differently. What if I had done things differently? What if I had chosen otherwise? How would things be like today? Whatever it would have been, I know it would have been anything but this.
Not that I’m putting my whole life on hold thinking about all these things. As Robert Frost said "Go on we must, and go on we shall." I’m moving on, I’m getting on with my life. I can sum up everything I've learned about life.
It’s just that I find myself waking up in the middle of the night as I write this, tossing and turning, unable to sleep, and despite trying the hardest not to, but I still think of you. I look out my window, up to the sky in the quiet of the night, feeling pretty sure that you are fast asleep. Do you ever think of me, like how I am of you now? A silly question really. It’s not like I’m ever going to get an answer. And I’m not sure I even want to hear one anyway.
And yet I continue to wonder. A bigger question comes to me.
If I've really moved on, why the hell am I still thinking about you? Isn’t it supposed to be that once you put someone behind you, you think about them once a year or five years down the line or something? Why? Why am I still thinking of you? And if I do, is there anything wrong with that? Does moving along mean having to erase the memory of the person from your mind?
Life seemed so painful; all the beautiful memories turn into spikes that stab at the heart when brought to mind. Happy are those who forget, for ignorance is bliss. And bloody hell, I was thinking about you after it all.
Do you ever wish that you don’t remember any of it? Is it now a stupid mistake you just want to forget? Or have you already?
I picked up the card you made and read the words you said, and the little smiley you seemed to use so often. I laugh at myself. Geez, I didn’t realize I’ve been keeping it all these while. I’m not quite sure what to do with all of these things. I’m not sure what do with the memory of you that is now embedded in these items and in my head. I didn’t give you many things, but I do wonder what you’ve done with them. Did you throw it away? Did you bury it in the farthest corners of your home? And what of the memories? Have you buried whose? Have they been overwritten? Forgotten?
It doesn't matter. These are just things I ask myself at moments like these in the dead of the night when I’m feeling weak, wistful and just plain stupid. They don’t need answering, they don't even need reading, they just need saying.
As far as you go, this is what I promised you, and this is what I will be in your life.
“Blessed are the forgetful; for they get the better even of their blunders” - Friedrich Nietzsche
For a person that others call friendly and sociable, my phone sure is so damn quiet.
It can go days on end without a single call from anyone other than my immediate family and "loved ones". I'm starting to suspect I have no life.
Long time ago, I made a choice that when it came to friends, there are only so many people that can make up your life. You can't be friends with everybody plus not everyone is actually worth getting to know. "Friends are the biggest suckers in your life" someone said to me. While I don't believe that entirely, there is some truth to it. So I thought "Hey, a few genuine and deep friendships is enough." I did not and still do not want a broad but shallow circle of friends.
What's the point of knowing many people and having many people know you? Only to discover that many of them hardly know anything about you? We are all complex beings and you can spend years of your life getting to know someone and still find new things about them. So I devoted myself to selecting a few choice friends, people whom I could relate to, people I could talk, debate, reason, argue, console, consult and joke with but mostly people whom I think were also genuine towards me. And I can tell you, genuine-ness in friendships are hard to find. I shied away from the popularity game of adding as many people as possible on Facebook or attending parties with 2 dozen people you couldn't care less about vice versa.
In fact, I did this so well, I suddenly find my phone deafeningly quiet. Damn, I REALLY HAVE NO LIFE. So why am I complaining about my phone being quiet? Alone times like this gives me time to sit down, reflect, contemplate and blog, crystallizing all the vague and fuzzy thoughts in my head. Putting them slowly in words, then sentences, then paragraphs and reading them back helps me clear my head (and realize what a buffoon I can be when reading older post).
A bit of alone time helps with that.
And still, I stare at my silent phone wondering why no one seems to be thinking of me. Why no one has given me a call asking how am I or if I'd like to go out for a drink. Shit, that sounded so needy and whimpy. I guess the truth is this regardless of whether we try having a few deep friendships or a broad but shallow group, we all want to feel that we matter to someone other than ourselves. I'd be happy if I earned more money, I'd be happy if I drove a bigger car or bought that latest DSLR I've been drooling after, but only while the euphoria lasted, then there would be emptiness again.
But I would be truly happy deep down into the deepest pits of my heart, if I received a simple call / text from someone with a simple "Hello, how are you? "Been thinking of you." "Haven't seen you in a while, Lets do lunch?" That to me, is priceless...
It does happen but I guess not as often as I'd hope for.
Many people, when asked if they are creative, laugh and say 'Oh I can't draw, paint etc.' or 'I'm terrible at anything arty, I always have been'. But I believe everyone has creativity within them which can be demonstrated in a number of ways and which can enrich that person's life. Tapping into your own personal creative reserve can lead to a surge of activity and an empowering discovery of how your ideas and thoughts can be expressed.
Creativity is something we all have within us. It is part of human nature, and it clearly has some evolutionary advantage which is why we all have to ability to be creative. You will never lose your creativity, it is always within you, and even if you feel like you are not a creative person, just take a minute to really think about how you can express your creative side.
The most important thing about creativity is to never give up when it gets difficult, new skills can take time to learn, but the creative rewards far outweigh the struggle. The great thing about creative hobbies is that they are usually the most enjoyable.
It does not matter what your creative outlet is, maybe you have always wanted to draw, write, flower arrange, make pots, dance, photograph or cook.
So now, allow yourself to express these dreams and reap the benefits and energy from what is often an ignored part of yourself and life.
It was dreadful, to think that the little time of rest you have to yourself, the little time to do your own things, have been stripped away from you, and you get NOTHING in return, but to selflessly give and give and give and give to the company. Will people even see what you have contributed? No, in their eyes, it is your obligation, it is your own effort which would perish, with no gratification or worth reinstated, whatsoever in the end.
Such is, the sadness of working life in a giant city.
Ever thought of a cup of coffee?
We can sit at a corner, just you and me.
You can tell me where you’re from.
And I can tell you where I’ve been.
We’ll talk about love and life.
And you can tell me why you need 6 different shoes.
I’ll listen to you, ask you to speak about your life.
And you’ll wonder why talking to me seems so easy.
We’ll chat and laugh for hours till we become silent
And I’ll ask if you find the silence awkward.
You’ll say there’s something nice about me.
I’ll shake my head and tell you the truth - I’m actually nervous
I act weirdly when I have caffeine or am around pretty women.
You’ll say I ordered decaf and I’ll say – You got me there.
You’ll look at the time and say we really should go.
You’ll try to pay but I’ll insist that I do.
I’ll tell you a lie – you can pay the next time.
You’ll say OK, and I’ll secretly leap for joy.
Because it means you’d want to see me again.
I’ll walk with you all the way to your car.
You’ll say you had a really nice time.
And I’ll say the pleasure really was all mine.
You’ll drive off and I’ll wave goodbye.
I’ll skip to a beat as you turn out of sight.
I’ll slowly recall all the things we said.
Having coffee really does things to your head.