The tools are immaterial, the resulting piece is what's most important.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Living in Denial

Denial to a certain degree exists in our daily lives. We not only use it to get us over the rough spots in life but we use it to smooth the edges a little just to make life a little easier. Who hasn't failed in a relationship and looked in the mirror and said "There is more time to try" when in the back of your mind you know you have to move on. These are the little white lies that get us through everyday life.

But what about major denial, denial that rocks you to the central core of your existence, denial that takes away your self esteem, denial so strong you let it rot your brain away rather than deal with it. This highly toxic form of denial eats away at us when we believe there is no way to escape. Believing that we may have to live the rest of our lives in denial of something can poison our soul and remove the will to live.

The world tells you that you are done, your body reinforces the fact but your mind doesn't agree, but it has to be, it is the only logical solution, but still your mind has trouble accepting it, but it has to be so. What is left? Denial. Only denial can dismiss this issue and send you off on a quest to prove you are who they say you have to be instead of who you want to be. Days turn to weeks, weeks to years but all the while the denial is consuming you from the inside out, poisoning your whole existence. Do you deal with the denial and save yourself knowing it will come at the expense of all around you or do you continue to live in denial and kill yourself a little at a time?

Then one day you face the denial, you accept that part of you that you buried and hoped you would never have to deal with, you love yourself now but the world says you are wrong. But for once in your life you are happy with who you are, you are safe from yourself for the first time in your life, so where is the denial now? Now it is the world, which is in phobic denial, a denial that hurts people everyday.

Yes, I am living in denial.



robin said...

I think to a certain degree, all of us are living in denial. there are just things that we choose not to deal with, even at times the necessity was screaming. Everyone is running away from something.

Rustie said...

Yes Robin,indeed everyone is running away from something and some even chose to deny that it was actually happening. Things like this its what make people selfish these days.